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Self-Acceptance is Key
I’ve been re-editing my Perry Harbor Series, and reconnecting with these lovely characters and their journeys to face and conquer challenges. Last month, inspired by Finn and Emily in Your Two Lips, I wrote about being good or bad at sex and the difference is communication. This month, I worked on Your Sweetness. The story’s key theme is self-acceptance. Lucas has to accept that he may not be the tech guru he thought he was. Jo has to accept that she is beautiful and sexy in her body as it is. Both issues are big for their gender. Studies tell… read more
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Good or Bad at Sex?
I’ve been re-editing my Perry Harbor Series, and while I’m fixing/clarifying a few things, it’s been a pleasure to revisit these characters and their journeys facing challenges. The same challenges many of us face too. Your Two Lips (Book 1) centers around the idea of being enough.Finn is struggling to feel like he’s man enough: fill his father’s shoes on the family farm, build his own dream of a mountain bike resort, and find something real with a partner, not a fling.Emily is struggling to feel like she’s woman enough after her fiancé cheats to have better sex and she… read more
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Don’t Give Up – Ask for What You Want
At almost every big bookfair I attend, I have at least one patron tell me that they are “done with that part of my life.” Meaning sex, passion, partners, and/or intimate pleasure. And it makes my heart ache. The Bedroom Gap by Dr. Maria Sophocles (Greek philosopher relative? – I think so) is a much-needed game changer in the conversation about women’s experiences and sex lives in mid-life. The book addresses topics like hormone replacement therapy, desire, pleasure, cultural expectations, the lack of medical research, sex education, and so much more in a comprehensive yet approachable way with the goal of improving sex… read more
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Young Women Have Got This
On a recent episode of Sex w/Emily, one of my favorite podcasts, Emily interviewed Chelsey Goodan, considered the “teenage girl whisperer” and the author of “Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls”. Chelsey was an academic tutor for years and within that professional relationship, she found many girls from all walks of life opened up about their lives and journeys today. I was drawn to the episode because 1) I have a teenage girl, and 2) I’ve been reading a lot about college-age men and thought I should learn a bit more about today’s college-age women. What hit me most was the power these women are… read more
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Monsters Do It Better
If you think you aren’t “into” Monster Romance, you may be wrong. The “monster” in monster romance can include the most out-there thing a person can imagine to mainstream werewolves and vampires. Are you into “Twilight”? Then you’re into monster romance, according to some experts.* So, why is Monster Romance such a big deal? Some people just like it. Enough said. For others who want to dig deeper, there are several theories … and they have to do with sex, fantasies, power, and even politics. Researchers found that 1 in 3 women were drawn to monster fantasies compared to 1… read more
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Do Men NEED Sex?
No, they don’t. (Easy for me to say. I’m a woman.) Due to my writing and interest in sex positive representation in the genre, I’ve been lucky to connect with many sex experts and therapists. Recently, I was talking with one and she said a lot of couples come into her office and the male partner claims he needs sex. “Sex is not a need. It’s a want,” she said. A need is something you must have to survive. Water, food, shelter. These are things that a human would die without. No one has ever died from lack of sex. That’s not to say that some, regardless of gender, feel… read more
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Get Her Motor Going
I was a busy mom. I had a stressful job in tech. My husband did too. We had two kids we were trying to raise in a culture of pressure and affluence. Spoiler: It’s not as fun as it sounds. My days were filled with hustle at work, transporting people from here to there, cheering at youth sporting events, squeezing in time for a workout as I fruitlessly tried to match the thinner moms, and making another (sadly) non-organic dinner that at least one kid would refuse to eat. Side note: I worked from home. My husband commuted to the… read more
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Sexual Fantasies & Healing
I spend a lot of time thinking about people’s sexual fantasies. As a steamy romance writer, understanding common sexual fantasies is a key part of writing intimate relationships that resonate with readers. Some of us have perfectly vanilla mainstream fantasies. Others of us do not. Just because we have a fantasy about something doesn’t mean we want to live it out in real life. If you fantasize about toxic men, it doesn’t mean you want a toxic man. Take the Fifty Shades of Grey series of books by E.L. James. It did not sell 165 million copies to date because… read more
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Stop Faking It
Let’s give today’s men some credit. They can handle the truth if their female partner just isn’t getting there this time. They experience combat. They run big businesses. They lift heavy things and so much more. Men are capable adult human beings exactly like women. So why do we women feel the need to protect them in the bedroom, even to our own detriment? Faking it is about caretaking Researcher Debby Herbenick and colleagues published in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2019 about why women fake orgasm. The study of over 1000 women, most of whom reported being heterosexual, living… read more
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Who’s Afraid of Cunnilingus?
One of my books, “Your Heart”, is set at a resort loosely based on a place I travel to with my family and close friends every summer. One year, I gave the resort owner a couple of copies of the book, and they placed them in their library. Awesome. Then my 17-year-old daughter and her friends found said novel in the library. Unknowingly, I stumbled into our cabin to find about 10 of them between the ages of 15 and 18, listening intently with big smiles and awkward laughs as a few spicy excerpts were read aloud. “Mom, you said… read more
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