It's a new year and the gym membership commercials are out in full force. It's time to get healthy in all the ways. One healthful practice we hear a lot about is mindfulness. To be clear, I'm for it, but sometimes it can seem a little too easy or too complicated depending on the situation. It doesn't have to be complicated, not in the bedroom Mindfulness is predominantly about being focused only on the present …

Sex in the time of the holidays … amIright? There are cookies to bake, presents to find (my typical point of failure), parties to host, decorations to hang, greeting cards to send … the list goes on. Time is of the essence and taking time for the slow build to full sexy times can seem impossible. "Maybe after the new year, Honey."Or not. Here are some ideas to help keep the steam in your holidays. …

Yep, you read that right.  Being "cliterate" means being informed and educated about all things clit.  From basic, and not so basic, female anatomy, to common myths about sex and the clit, to how to communicate your desires effectively to your partner; this book is a basic primer and an advanced guide. Dr. Laurie Mintz is a sex therapist as well as college professor and sexual health researcher. Her book Becoming Cliterate is a one-stop-shop for anyone wanting …

As a steamy romance writer, I spend quite a bit of time thinking about pleasure. What would this character want to do in bed and what would feel good to them? It's a gift to be able to spend so much time thinking about pleasure, because I doubt enough of us do. Western culture "has a problem with pleasure in general," says Dr. Emily Morse in her book "Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex …

Most steamy love scenes in today's romance novels end in a shattering, life-affirming, love-filled climax. Easily sending the message that orgasm is the goal of sex. But orgasms don’t have to be the goal of physical intimacy. Not everyone can orgasm or orgasm easily, AND orgasms shouldn’t necessarily be the end. What about all that lovely caressing, teasing, and connecting?Orgasms don't come easily (pardon the pun). According to researchers at OMGYes.com, as women build toward orgasm, changes in …

Once during a workshop at a wellness seminar, one participant (a man) asked me if women really liked dirty talk. I responded that I couldn’t speak for all women, but given dirty talk is a common element in many romance novels, primarily read by women, one could conclude women do at least think about it. All dirty talk is not the same. I’ll let you, beautiful reader, determine the specifics around "dirty", and I'll just …

I love romance. But romance isn't perfect, and one of my teeny-tiny pet peeves is all the big … well … dicks. A point I touch on with the hero, Levi, in Hawaii for Two. (So, this idea has been on my mind lately.) Some data … A 2020 review of research reported the average size of an erect penis is between 5.1 and 5.5 inches in length and most men, (up to 95%) fall …

I am not a golfer, nor is my husband. In fact, due to some family stuff, golf is a bit of a trigger for me. So, when I read that a statistically significant number of men in a study about who's having "magnificent sex" (conducted by Peggy Kleinplatz et al.) reported a golf book was one of the top resources that helped their sex life, I had to read it. And let me tell you, …

I recently spoke at a wellness retreat where there were several questions about menopause and sex. It was on folks' minds. Sex later in life is never far from my mind. Afterall, I'm in my mid-fifties and I'm married to a lovely man. Spoiler alert: Sex happens. 😉 It's been an area of focus as I do my book research too. And there is plenty to discover. Hormone changes can wreak havoc on emotions and …

There are a lot of different ways folks can feel shame about sex. Growing up in a culture where sex or sexual pleasure is considered wrong. Living in a culture where only certain body types and features are considered beautiful and sexy. Experiencing sexual trauma. Or something else. There are many ways sex can be surrounded by shame. Sex therapists are finding most people raised with shame around sex struggle to have healthy sex lives …

I talk incessantly about reading romance and its impact on our sex lives. The romance genre has evolved to be much more diverse and authentic in recent years, and the novels and tropes we are drawn to can tell us so much about ourselves. Sex education is failing us. Currently there are 12 states in the Union (24%) which do not require sex education to be: age-appropriate, medically accurate, culturally responsive, or evidence-based/evidence-informed. In the …

Coming Together: Embracing your Core Desires for Sexual Fulfillment and Long-Term Compatibility by Danielle Harel PhD and Celeste Hirschman MA This book written by two sex coaches in California focuses on our fantasies and what they call our "core desires" to help unlock a more satisfying sex life. They suggest real techniques to identify what they call your "hottest sexual movie" and even walk you through the process for yourself. What stuck out for me …

The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution by Katherine Rowland I'm currently reading The Pleasure Gap and loving it. So much so, that the first part of the book inspired my Medium article "Why You Should Stop Faking It." We hear a lot about the orgasm gap. Studies have reported men have nearly 2x the number of orgasms as women. There are lots of reasons for this gap, but what about pleasure …

Dr. B recently got me started listening to this podcast called “Pillow Talks” which is a sex therapist and her husband talking all things relationships and sex positivity. It's a great podcast, a little self-promotey, but the content is top notch, so muscle through. Or … pick up a copy of their book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa and Xander Marin at the bookstore or your local …

Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D is (or should be) a canonical book for vulva owners and anyone interested in pleasing a vulva. One of the things I mention a lot when I'm talking to people about sex positivity and romance is the dual control model of sexual response. It was first developed by Janssen and Boncroft at the Kinsey Institute in the …

I often talk about Shameless Sex by Amy Baldwin and April Lampert (the book and the podcast). Dr. B and I attended a live event with these two lovely people. It was a small group talking all things sex positivity including toys. There are so many options out there. If you've tried a toy and didn't like it, try something different. Vibrators or dildos (non-vibrating), toys for vulva owners and penis owners. Toys that are …

I love reading romance. And recently, I've grown to love writing it. I believe positive literature like romance can change the world. It reminds us we want and need to connect with others, we want to give and receive pleasure, and we want "good" to win, even if it's an anti-hero bad boy/girl. One key component of any steamy Christina Braver romance novel is great sex. Positive, exciting, fumbling, connecting, vulnerable, awesome sex. In order …