On a recent episode of Sex w/Emily, one of my favorite podcasts, Emily interviewed Chelsey Goodan, considered the “teenage girl whisperer” and the author of “Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls”. Chelsey was an academic tutor for years and within that professional relationship, she found many girls from all walks of life opened up about their lives and journeys today. 

I was drawn to the episode because 1) I have a teenage girl, and 2) I’ve been reading a lot about college-age men and thought I should learn a bit more about today’s college-age women. 

What hit me most was the power these women are feeling compared to my experiences at a similar age. Young women today are learning about consent even though 39 states in the US don’t include consent in their sex education curriculum (!). They are standing up to slut-shaming, owning their clothing choices, and refusing to accept the old rhetoric that a girl should dress modestly to avoid tempting boys.

Yes, the statistic that 1 in 5 college women will experience sexual assault is scary. But young women are refusing to hide and limit themselves for protection. Instead, they are demanding men take responsibility for their actions. (And Chelsey found that today’s young men are up to the task when we teach them about consent and the experiences of women.)

I recently read a story about a college professor who asked her class what they did to protect themselves from sexual assault. Students called out all sorts of strategies like parking under streetlights, looking around as they walk, and holding their keys between their fingers like a makeshift Wolverine claw. Unsurprisingly, the students who spoke up were all female. The males in the room had never considered they needed protection. 

Changing the narrative from “she got assaulted” to the truer words “he assaulted her” has power. I recently heard about a university campus that had a spike in sexual assaults and officials considered encouraging female students to not go out after dark until the perpetrator was caught. A student wrote an editorial suggesting that the university ban all men from being on campus after dark instead. An interesting flip on an old response.

Young women are still struggling with shame and performing into the male gaze, but they are more informed and have more language to challenge bully behavior, the cultural impetus for women to commonly say “sorry”, and the idea that opportunities are limited for women which can spark myths of scarcity and encourage, sometimes vicious, competition. 

Those old ways are fading and the future looks bright for women, men, and everyone. Thank goodness for a little good news.