I’ve been re-editing my Perry Harbor Series, and while I’m fixing/clarifying a few things, it’s been a pleasure to revisit these characters and their journeys facing challenges. The same challenges many of us face too.
Your Two Lips (Book 1) centers around the idea of being enough.
Finn is struggling to feel like he’s man enough: fill his father’s shoes on the family farm, build his own dream of a mountain bike resort, and find something real with a partner, not a fling.
Emily is struggling to feel like she’s woman enough after her fiancé cheats to have better sex and she has a partial hysterectomy (surgical removal of the uterus) due to severe endometriosis.
Emily’s new plan … be great at sex with Finn as the perfect tutor. And while I agree that sex is a skill to be learned, her plan is a little flawed. Being truly good at sex requires more than skill.
It requires communication. As Dr. Emily Morse says, “communication is lubrication.”
A common sex myth today is that good sex happens naturally. Not true. And a related myth is if sex doesn’t happen naturally, it’s bad sex. Also, not true.
The idea that a lover should just know what their partner likes and how to do it is unfair at best. No one is born knowing how to make sex great for themselves or anyone else.
There is information to be learned like anatomy (the clitoris is like an iceberg-most of it is under the surface) and the places that are most sensitive to stimulation (the frenulum is the most sensitive spot on the penis-located on the underside just below the crown).
There is exploration about your own body and your lover’s. “How does this feel? Do you like it harder or softer? Faster or slower? Do you like it when I touch you here? Do you prefer my mouth or my hand? Do you like gentle, feathery touches or something firmer?” The list goes on …
The idea that there is a technique or set of techniques that make a lover good is misleading. What worked for one partner may not work for another or it may not work for that same partner anymore. What’s the adage … if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. A hammer isn’t always the best tool for things that require finesse.
If all you have is one magic technique in bed, there will be times when that technique will fail you.
I get it. Communicating can be vulnerable. Asking questions could look like admitting I don’t know (which can be hard for a man-they’re supposed to know). Asking for what I want could look like being demanding or too sexually experienced (which can be hard for a woman-they aren’t supposed to know).
Communicating with your partner may be daunting, but you can start slow and practice. You don’t have to know all the answers. You don’t even have to know all the questions. Just dive in and start trying. With practice, it gets easier.
It turns out, communication is the key to being good or bad at sex. It’s the key to Emily and Finn’s Happily Ever After, and it may be the key to yours.