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Stop Faking It
Let’s give today’s men some credit. They can handle the truth if their female partner just isn’t getting there this time. They experience combat. They run big businesses. They lift heavy things and so much more. Men are capable adult human beings exactly like women. So why do we women feel the need to protect them in the bedroom, even to our own detriment? Faking it is about caretaking Researcher Debby Herbenick and colleagues published in Archives of Sexual Behavior in 2019 about why women fake orgasm. The study of over 1000 women, most of whom reported being heterosexual, living… read more
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Who’s Afraid of Cunnilingus?
One of my books, “Your Heart”, is set at a resort loosely based on a place I travel to with my family and close friends every summer. One year, I gave the resort owner a couple of copies of the book, and they placed them in their library. Awesome. Then my 17-year-old daughter and her friends found said novel in the library. Unknowingly, I stumbled into our cabin to find about 10 of them between the ages of 15 and 18, listening intently with big smiles and awkward laughs as a few spicy excerpts were read aloud. “Mom, you said… read more
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Who’s Afraid of Fellatio?
One summer morning, I was on my deck sipping coffee and feverishly studying the book “Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man” by Dr. Ian Kerner, researching for the novel I was writing. In my periphery, I heard an alarm. Not a rare occurrence in my close-knit neighborhood, but this one was unfamiliar (not a fire or car alarm). It was some distance away, so I didn’t get too concerned, but concentrated on Dr. Kerner’s book. After a few minutes of the incessant noise, my neighbor texted to ask me if heard it too. I told her yes… read more
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Romance for Better Sex (2)
In part one of this article, I mentioned how romance novels have evolved to be more diverse than the standard hero-on-a-horse/damsel-in-distress trope. Though we still love a good alpha male/ingenue story. “Fifty Shades of Grey” anyone? But modern romance novels are not all about alphas and ingenues. From including diverse characters to safe sex practices to confronting genuine issues with intimacy, these novels have become much more. There are best-sellers featuring same-sex couples, racial diversity, and neurodivergence just to name of few areas of growth. Everyone deserves to see themselves in the pages of a romance novel, and now more… read more
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Romance for Better Sex (1)
Yes, I believe reading romance novels can improve your sex life. But smart people don’t read romance. Orthose books are unrealistic or porn or fill-in-the-blank with whatever negative idea you’ve heard about the genre. Then keep reading because I have a point. Note: according to the Oxford Classic Dictionary, many scholars would argue that representing sexual activity, or obscenity in images or writing, does not necessarily make it pornography. Rather, it is defined as “material which presents people—particularly women—as mute, available, and subordinate sexual objects, often shown in a context of violence.” Romance is not porn. For years, some have… read more
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A Day in the Life … 2/10/2026
As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (effectively managed with medication and hormone therapy for nearly a decade), the idea that I must be on social media to reach readers and sell books is daunting at times. I try to keep my feed to only books and positive vibes, but the other stuff sneaks in. Recently, I posed a question on Threads about a scene in Heated Rivalry that was a little … well … like non-consensual sex. I wanted to talk about it because I had written a similar scene in my book Formula One Noel that was male/female and… read more
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Sex Scripts & Rollercoasters
Sex scripts? A sex script is a plan or order for how you think sex is supposed to progress. I do this. He does that. We do this. Then I climax. Then he does. This is a pretty common sex script often reinforced in steamy romance novels. Many of us have sex scripts, partnered or not. And sometimes we can feel pressure to change them. The idea of a regular sex script can seem boring to some, like being in a rut. What used to be thrilling is now predictable. Maybe. But having a sex script we use over and… read more
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A Day in the Life … 1.30.26
Just another day in the life of your average sex positivity advocate … can lead to smiles and a brighter day. I was recently asked to teach an online workshop when I would be away on vacation. All good, but I was worried about logistics. So, I called the golf resort where we were planning to stay and asked the woman about the internet quality, and did they have a private office space I could use. She said the only business space available was a desk and some chairs in the lobby. I said, “I teach about sexual health, so… read more
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Mindfulness in the Bedroom
It’s a new year and the gym membership commercials are out in full force. It’s time to get healthy in all the ways. One healthful practice we hear a lot about is mindfulness. To be clear, I’m for it, but sometimes it can seem a little too easy or too complicated depending on the situation. It doesn’t have to be complicated, not in the bedroom Mindfulness is predominantly about being focused only on the present moment without judging any feelings or experiences in that moment. All the sex advice I’ve read from experts says that for sex to be great,… read more
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Holiday Quickies
Sex in the time of the holidays … amIright? There are cookies to bake, presents to find (my typical point of failure), parties to host, decorations to hang, greeting cards to send … the list goes on. Time is of the essence and taking time for the slow build to full sexy times can seem impossible. “Maybe after the new year, Honey.”Or not. Here are some ideas to help keep the steam in your holidays. Hug your partner. I know it seems simple, but it’s true. Research shows that a 20 second hug releases several good hormones in our brains… read more
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from the Braver Blog