Yes, I believe reading romance novels can improve your sex life. But smart people don’t read romance. Orthose books are unrealistic or porn or fill-in-the-blank with whatever negative idea you’ve heard about the genre. Then keep reading because I have a point.

Note: according to the Oxford Classic Dictionary, many scholars would argue that representing sexual activity, or obscenity in images or writing, does not necessarily make it pornography. Rather, it is defined as “material which presents people—particularly women—as mute, available, and subordinate sexual objects, often shown in a context of violence.” Romance is not porn.

For years, some have seen romance novels as silly or trivial, with covers boasting a bare-chested bodice-ripping hero holding a damsel in distress. No shade to that trope or those books, but today’s romances (and their covers) have evolved.

With the invention of eReaders, anyone anywhere could read whatever they wanted, and no one, not even their seatmate on the bus or the stranger at the coffee shop, was the wiser. Romance novel eBook purchases skyrocketed, increasing and diversifying the audience.

Then, in late 2019, there was a call for greater diversity that sparked a renewed sense of what romance novels could and should be. Romances now include diverse genders, orientations, races, and ethnicities along with diverse female body types, neurodivergence, authentic lived experiences, and more.

Romance novels no longer only entertain readers. They make them think.

So How Does That Improve Your Sex Life?

Information.

Not everyone has access to quality sex education. In its absence, curious minds are turning elsewhere.

Now consider, the romance genre is a $1.4B+ annual business. That’s a big audience.

We have a void of information, and we have a platform with a billion-dollar reach.

What People Don’t Know About Sex May Surprise You

Someone once asked me if I really thought romance novels told people anything they didn’t already know. In talking with readers, writers, podcasters, and healthcare professionals, there is plenty of basic information about sex that isn’t widely known. Lack of information can lead to disconnection, shame, blame, or worse.

For example, some couples refuse to use lube because she should be able to get wet enough … if he’s doing it right. Actually, according to the Mayo Clinic regular hormone level fluctuations in vulva owners can impact their ability to lubricate naturally.

It’s a physical reality. Good news: quality lube products are easily available online and arrive at your home in discreet, unmarked packaging. Steamy romance characters often use lube and make it fun.

Other couples expect her to orgasm from penetration. Actually, experts estimate anywhere from 60% to 90% of vulva owners cannot orgasm from penetration alone. The most blush-worthy steamy scenes often include multiple positions (like one where a penis-owner is facing their partner and holds themselves above in a push-up position then uses a rocking motion to press the root of the penis to the vulva owner’s clitoris – a good thing). Some scenes include the use of a vibrator or the toughest of tough characters checking in about what feels good in order to get their partner there.

None of those characters present as less of a great lover for needing to check in or wanting to use toys. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite.

This may seem basic, but if you never had someone normalize these things, how would you know? You wouldn’t, and then the shame and blame come to steal your joy during sex.

Romance Novels … Really?

Okay, I know romance novels are fantasy, and happily-ever-afters, the primary requirement for a book to be considered a romance, don’t always happen in real life. Also, some books explore ideas and actions that are unsafe to one or all partners in real life.

To say reading romance novels can improve your sex life does not mean they are instruction manuals. They are not. But they can titillate and excite as well as model behaviors between consenting adults in ways that may be new to readers.

Questions to consider: How do the main characters set expectations for sex? How do they share responsibility for giving and receiving pleasure? What toys are they using and how are they using them? How do they start a sexy call/text? Hint: it’s not always “what are you wearing”.

There is a lot to the modern romance novel. So, don’t be shy. Read that romance proudly. You never know what you might learn.

You deserve great sex. Read romance.