Sex in the time of the holidays … amIright? There are cookies to bake, presents to find (my typical point of failure), parties to host, decorations to hang, greeting cards to send … the list goes on. Time is of the essence and taking time for the slow build to full sexy times can seem impossible. “Maybe after the new year, Honey.”
Or not. Here are some ideas to help keep the steam in your holidays.

Hug your partner. I know it seems simple, but it’s true. Research shows that a 20 second hug releases several good hormones in our brains including: Dopamine (pleasure hormone) which contributes to feelings of satisfaction and happiness, serotonin which helps to boost mood and control anxiety, and oxytocin (love hormone) which promotes bonding and lowers stress and blood pressure.
Dr. B is a big fan of this one. He sees me practically spinning around the kitchen, stressed about cooking or shopping or writing, and he will scoop me into a hug. Sometimes we even count out loud to make sure we hug for at least 20 seconds. I take deep breaths and settle against him. It takes less than a minute, but it calms me. And after, when he gives me a smile, he knows he helped solve my problem for the moment. Which can be a big thing for our male partners, solving our problems.

Prioritize pleasure over orgasm. You’ve heard me say it before. Orgasms aren’t everything. Sex is first and foremost about connection. Even if it’s just connecting with our bodies or that sexy stranger at the bar. It’s commonly believed that in general, men need to have sex to connect, and women need to feel connected to have sex. Either way, it’s still all about connection. Make that the focus.
When your partner wants more than a hug, tune in to what you need AND tell your partner honestly. If full sex feels like too much, tell them clearly so there is no mistake/rejection and then suggest another way to connect. Maybe just crawl under the covers and snuggle skin to skin. Feel your partner’s warmth. Take deep breaths of their scent. Focus on that moment alone. If a 20 second hug is good for you, think about what a 5 to 10 min snuggle could do. Especially naked.

Multi-task. Okay, this one is a little tongue-in-cheek, but it’s still a good idea. Shower together to start your day or end it. You have to shower sometime, and even if all you do is make out under the spray, it’s worth it. The shower is also a great place to masturbate together. Easy clean up and many vibes on the market today are waterproof. Yay science and innovation! Plus, the water drowns out those sexy sounds before they reach the sleeping ears of kiddos and house guests alike.

Above all, don’t judge yourself. The holidays are a great time to practice radical self-acceptance of your body, your level of sexual desire, and your availability to others. If you feel stretched, you probably are and that’s not the time to pile onto your stress by letting your inner critic judge you. Tell that f*cker to shut up. You don’t have time right now. Maybe after the new year … or not.