Sex tips

One of my books, “Your Heart”, is set at a resort loosely based on a place I travel to with my family and close friends every summer. One year, I gave the resort owner a couple of copies of the book, and they placed them in their library. Awesome. Then my 17-year-old daughter and her friends found said novel in the library. Unknowingly, I stumbled into our cabin to find about 10 of them between the ages of 15 and 18, listening intently with big smiles and awkward laughs as a few spicy excerpts were read aloud. “Mom, you said… read more

One summer morning, I was on my deck sipping coffee and feverishly studying the book “Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man” by Dr. Ian Kerner, researching for the novel I was writing. In my periphery, I heard an alarm. Not a rare occurrence in my close-knit neighborhood, but this one was unfamiliar (not a fire or car alarm). It was some distance away, so I didn’t get too concerned, but concentrated on Dr. Kerner’s book. After a few minutes of the incessant noise, my neighbor texted to ask me if heard it too. I told her yes… read more

Sex scripts? A sex script is a plan or order for how you think sex is supposed to progress. I do this. He does that. We do this. Then I climax. Then he does. This is a pretty common sex script often reinforced in steamy romance novels. Many of us have sex scripts, partnered or not. And sometimes we can feel pressure to change them. The idea of a regular sex script can seem boring to some, like being in a rut. What used to be thrilling is now predictable. Maybe. But having a sex script we use over and… read more

It’s a new year and the gym membership commercials are out in full force. It’s time to get healthy in all the ways. One healthful practice we hear a lot about is mindfulness. To be clear, I’m for it, but sometimes it can seem a little too easy or too complicated depending on the situation. It doesn’t have to be complicated, not in the bedroom Mindfulness is predominantly about being focused only on the present moment without judging any feelings or experiences in that moment. All the sex advice I’ve read from experts says that for sex to be great,… read more

Sex in the time of the holidays … amIright? There are cookies to bake, presents to find (my typical point of failure), parties to host, decorations to hang, greeting cards to send … the list goes on. Time is of the essence and taking time for the slow build to full sexy times can seem impossible. “Maybe after the new year, Honey.”Or not. Here are some ideas to help keep the steam in your holidays. Hug your partner. I know it seems simple, but it’s true. Research shows that a 20 second hug releases several good hormones in our brains… read more

Most steamy love scenes in today’s romance novels end in a shattering, life-affirming, love-filled climax. Easily sending the message that orgasm is the goal of sex. But orgasms don’t have to be the goal of physical intimacy. Not everyone can orgasm or orgasm easily, AND orgasms shouldn’t necessarily be the end. What about all that lovely caressing, teasing, and connecting? Orgasms don’t come easily (pardon the pun). According to researchers at OMGYes.com, as women build toward orgasm, changes in contact or rhythm can quickly cause them to lose it. The build fizzles and can be hard to get back. Men don’t typically report… read more

Once during a workshop at a wellness seminar, one participant (a man) asked me if women really liked dirty talk. I responded that I couldn’t speak for all women, but given dirty talk is a common element in many romance novels, primarily read by women, one could conclude women do at least think about it. All dirty talk is not the same. I’ll let you, beautiful reader, determine the specifics around “dirty”, and I’ll just touch on the talking part. According to the website OMGYes.com, “research shows that women who gave specific details about what makes sex more pleasurable for… read more

I recently spoke at a wellness retreat where there were several questions about menopause and sex. It was on folks’ minds. Sex later in life is never far from my mind. Afterall, I’m in my mid-fifties and I’m married to a lovely man. Spoiler alert: Sex happens. 😉 It’s been an area of focus as I do my book research too. And there is plenty to discover. Hormone changes can wreak havoc on emotions and women’s bodies. I myself experienced night sweats, but also unusual sleep loss and extreme anxiety, even to the point of suicidal ideation, as I approached… read more