I recently spoke at a wellness retreat where there were several questions about menopause and sex. It was on folks’ minds. Sex later in life is never far from my mind. Afterall, I’m in my mid-fifties and I’m married to a lovely man. Spoiler alert: Sex happens. 😉

It’s been an area of focus as I do my book research too. And there is plenty to discover. Hormone changes can wreak havoc on emotions and women’s bodies. I myself experienced night sweats, but also unusual sleep loss and extreme anxiety, even to the point of suicidal ideation, as I approached menopause. I had no idea that could happen. It can, and it’s not even all that uncommon.

Now post menopause, lower estrogen levels have led to a sort of squaring-off of my waist, and don’t even get me started on losing weight.

What I learned is I’m not alone and there is help. Here are some quick highlights:

If you suspect you are experiencing emotional or bodily changes around your period/hormones, reach out to a licensed professional. Consider seeing a naturopath as they may have more diverse insights and can offer more accessible treatments like supplements, etc.

Our bodies will change. Lower estrogen levels can lead to vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. If this happens, a first step is lube. There are great ones on the market that ship to your door in discreet packaging. Or speak to your healthcare professional about hormone supplements. There are creams and suppositories that focus their impact on the vulva and pelvic region, just where we need them.

Our bodies will keep changing. I don’t look like the woman my husband married. Sometimes that can make me feel less desirable. Talk about these feelings with your partner. Find out what they like about your body now and emphasize that. They like touching your soft skin? Let them. Boobs drooping? Try wearing a sexy bra to keep the girls supported. Try candlelight which is more forgiving than other light. Get creative.

“Sex. I’m done with that part of my life.” This one seems to be a biggie. And it’s complicated. But if you’re interested in getting back some of the sizzle, know that there are things to try including hormone support (testosterone cream) or other supplements, or simply giving yourself the freedom to reimagine intimate time. Focus “sex” time on connecting and pleasing each other rather than counting or comparing orgasms.

The main points are: You are not alone. It doesn’t have to be “just how it is”. And there is help. Reach out. You deserve it.