I talk incessantly about reading romance and its impact on our sex lives. The romance genre has evolved to be much more diverse and authentic in recent years, and the novels and tropes we are drawn to can tell us so much about ourselves.
Sex education is failing us. Currently there are 12 states in the Union (24%) which do not require sex education to be: age-appropriate, medically accurate, culturally responsive, or evidence-based/evidence-informed.
In the fall of 2023, Forbes did a survey of 1,500 Americans ages 18 to 44. Here are a few of their findings.
90% of respondents said their sex education had not prepared them for real-world sexual experiences, particularly their first sexual experience.
41% said they felt unprepared for communication with sexual partners.
40% said they hadn’t learned anything formally about consent and respect in the context of sexual experiences.
Further findings showed people are looking at varied resources for information including online sources (48%), friends (32%), porn (26%), and social media (25%).
I believe we need to add sex positive romance to the mix as well. Reading romance can:
Turn us on – sometimes without our awareness. We could be reading and notice we like certain spicy bits.
Engage our largest sex organ – the brain, to be intentional in thinking about sex and getting in the mindset for intimacy with a partner.
Model and normalize behaviors, ideas and even kink. Being curious about different aspects of sex is a good thing and reading is a safe way to explore those ideas.
Give us insight into our fantasies. We may be drawn to certain types of heroes/heroines, or certain themes. Look for consistencies in the stories you’re drawn to. And if those fantasies are not safe for real life (and many fantasies aren’t) explore ways to bring elements of that fantasy to life safely with your partner.
Good lovers are always learning and exploring various resources. They remember fantasy can play a key role. They boot shame from the bedroom and connect with their partners authentically. And they practice, make mistakes, and try something else.
Go be good lovers. 😘