As someone with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (effectively managed with medication and hormone therapy for nearly a decade), the idea that I must be on social media to reach readers and sell books is daunting at times.

I try to keep my feed to only books and positive vibes, but the other stuff sneaks in. Recently, I posed a question on Threads about a scene in Heated Rivalry that was a little … well … like non-consensual sex. I wanted to talk about it because I had written a similar scene in my book Formula One Noel that was male/female and my editor had me change it. I wondered about the differences in scene acceptability between M/M romance and M/F. Conscientious authors want to know.

The comments ranged from supportive to downright disturbing. Like … seriously disturbing, not just mean. LOL. Which only sparked more questions in my mind. Then my son reminded me “fifty percent of the posts on Threads are bots, Mom.” It made me feel better and worse. Rage bots suck. And I didn’t get much clarity on my question.

I understand the book set the stage better than the show. I love the scene (Ilya gives Shane a BJ on the sofa) because it shows how much Ilya knows and understands what turns Shane on after 10+ years together. But Shane does say “please don’t” and moves away. And we all know, that arousal (getting wet or getting hard) is not consent. On the facts alone, this would be considered non-consensual. But the scene doesn’t play that way.

As a writer, I’m curious about why that is. Is it possible to write a scene like this between M/F lovers? What if they’ve been together a long time? Is there a way to do it responsibly that doesn’t ignore the thousands of women sexually assaulted by known and trusted partners (the majority of assaults are by known partners)?

Is it possible for us to assume a woman has the same level of agency we automatically assign to men? If so, what does that look like? Financial stability? Physical strength? These are the questions I’m grappling with right now as I plan my next book.

These are tough times. I’ve been running with a low buzz of fight-or-flight anxiety since the new year. I don’t know what the future holds. But I know the rage bots on social media aren’t helping. What does help is standing up for what I believe in and writing about real love and sex positive representation. So I’ll keep doing that. 😊