The Pleasure Gap: American Women and the Unfinished Sexual Revolution by Katherine Rowland

I’m currently reading The Pleasure Gap and loving it. So much so, that the first part of the book inspired my Medium article “Why You Should Stop Faking It.”

We hear a lot about the orgasm gap. Studies have reported men have nearly 2x the number of orgasms as women. There are lots of reasons for this gap, but what about pleasure with or without orgasm?

At my book signings, I talk to women who tell me “I’m done with romance” or “that part of my life is over”, and I try not show my disappointment for them. I’m not necessarily sad because they aren’t having sex anymore, I wonder if they are experiencing physical pleasure. I wonder if they would be “done with sex” if their partners focused on pleasure instead of completion.

As you may know, I did a bit of research into the sex lives of folks in their 60s and beyond when I was writing Formula One Noel. What I found, is that lots of older people are having sex, but it may not be penetrative, and it may not be to orgasm. Many of these couples defined “sex” more as “sexual pleasure” such as lying together naked while caressing and kissing. Sometimes one or both would climax or sometimes neither would, and they’d take a break for a snack and get back to the same. The focus was on pleasure, not the endzone.

The Pleasure Gap discusses much of the historical research around woman and pleasure but in an approachable and thought-provoking way. The author encourages women to acknowledge their right to pleasure and pursue it heartily.

If you’ve ever had the thought “I’m done with sex” consider thinking about whether or not “you are done with pleasure” and discuss with your partner. A better sex/pleasure life awaits. 😘