Dr. B recently got me started listening to this podcast called “Pillow Talks” which is a sex therapist and her husband talking all things relationships and sex positivity. It’s a great podcast, a little self-promotey, but the content is top notch, so muscle through.

Or … pick up a copy of their book Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa and Xander Marin at the bookstore or your local library.

I really enjoyed the book (and the podcasts we’ve listened to). The information is totally approachable and full of examples from real couples with practical advice, letting you know that whatever issue(s) you and your partner are having, you are not alone.

The authors talk openly about their own struggles as a couple after fourteen years together. For example, Vanessa struggled for years with orgasms … even while she was a sex therapist. And reading about her husband’s feelings during the time when she faked it and how he felt when he found out bolstered my faith in men.

So much is left undiscussed in today’s coupled relationships. False beliefs like “men should just know how to please a partner” and “a woman should just like what her partner does” can cause shame, disconnection, even a breakup when things don’t work in the bedroom. Sex rarely, if ever, happens “naturally” yet some couples expect it too exclusively.

Sex techniques and communication about sex with your partner are skills that have to be learned. The five conversations (acknowledgement, connection, desire, pleasure, and exploration) break down the process of how to have healthier and more productive conversations with your partner about sex.

Grab a copy of the book and read it together with your partner and see what conversations it provokes. A better sex life awaits. 😘