I am not a golfer, nor is my husband. In fact, due to some family stuff, golf is a bit of a trigger for me. So, when I read that a statistically significant number of men in a study about who’s having “magnificent sex” (conducted by Peggy Kleinplatz et al.) reported a golf book was one of the top resources that helped their sex life, I had to read it.

And let me tell you, I can totally see why. The book The Inner Game of Golf by W. Timothy Gallwey has been around for a long time, is a well-recognized sports psychology book, and is entirely about golf. But if you apply the advice to sex, it makes a lot of sense that these guys are having some of the best.

The gist of the advice surrounds the idea of getting out of your own way. Don’t focus on getting the ball in the hole or remembering all the technical instructions you’ve received about the angle of your head or the tilt of your hips. But rather focus on the feel of what you are doing. The feel of the club in your hand and the intensity of the hit when the ball touches the club face. Notice how it feels in your body when you know where the ball is going and then think about recreating that feeling, rather than the body mechanics of a perfect swing.

Excellent sex advice too! Get out of your own way and focus on the feeling. Some men have reported not enjoying sex as much as they could because they are too focused on their body, what they’re doing, and if their partner likes it. They’re caught up in instructions instead of being in the moment and exploring what feels good. Listening to their partner’s body and their own. Connecting.

The book is sound advice applicable to many things. We all have self-doubt and self-judgement about performance. The book makes the argument that the last thing a person needs when they are wracked with doubt is detailed instruction and suggestions. That only exasperates the problem in golf and in life. Example: Dr. B and I recently had a … heated conversation, we’ll call it, when I was feeling down and he was trying to help. Later, with things still not completely resolved, I read him the paragraph discussing exactly this and he was like “Enough said. I get it.”

What???  Amazing.

Have a golfer in your life? Looking for the perfect gift for that person? I encourage you to pick up a copy of this book and enjoy…together, maybe. [Author gives a flirty wink] You deserve it.